I have a real problem

With the tragic. I can't enough of the sad sack. I have recently become obsessed with Wolfman, aka Peter Wolfe, a friend of Pete Doherty (who could only be sooooooooooo cute if he could clean up his act...but then he wouldn't be interesting, so really, don't). They both got arrested recently for accidentally killing a friend with heroin...a girl...a rich girl, who wanted to slum it up in their heroin world. Those two, really are wrapped in crime tape in my mind, or they have signs like you're in a construction zone...enter at your own risk.

Woofman.

You Know

When something horrible happens like Corey Haim dies, or Casey Johnson, I always think about the people who SHOULD have died instead. For Haim, the first on the list is easy: Feldman. I'd take a Scott Baio death or even Leif Garrett...Gary Coleman...just not Haim. For Johnson I'd wouldn't mind trading her death for the horrible Brittney Gastineau, or Kim Kardashian, any of the Hiltons (obviously), that Kieselstein-Cord or Dori Cooperman.

List of Failures/Buzz Words

Bottles in the toilet
Slut Dog
Toothbrush
Loose Ship
Pipe under stroller
Creep

God

For some reason I was just thinking about the time in high school I went to a party at Brooke's house and it was super lame, all they had was WINE COOLERS, and I mean, who can get drunk off that shit? So in my quest to get a buzz that skinny fuck, Dan Locatelli convinced me I should try some, "Chew." I just remember saying, "Should I be sweating?" and then eating a whole bag of M&Ms in an attempt to even out my system.

Good!

Martin Short checks into hospital. Let's hope it's fatal.

Thanks Vincent Gallo...

I can't believe what you did to Roger Ebert's face with your cancer curse. I mean, Ebert was never a looker, but now he looks like he has a bird beak! And he can't speak! Couldn't you have just broken his thumb, or something?